Monday, June 30, 2008

A true 'no-frills' airline

A new airline in Germany is for nudists only. I bet the passengers get through customs/security very quickly.

Harsh Application of Darwin's Theory

This poor kid never had a chance...to reproduce.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,373341,00.html

True Marriage

I have been married for 10 years and sometimes humor is your only defense.



Sunday, June 29, 2008

RPGs as Cookbooks

Alt Text has a great commentary illustrating how the belly aching of RPG players would look if applied to a real world situation. It is worth a read.

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/alttext/2008/06/alttext_0618/

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Read a Book BET PSA

CAUTION: May be OFFENSIVE to many!!
WARNING: Contains bad language and ethic slurs!!

This PSA was televised on BET, so don't complain to me about its content. I am merely pointing out its cultural significance. Judge for yourself.


On yahoo I found the following posts; classic!


Question: Read a Book PSA.?
What do you think about that PSA that was on BET? I have sence blocked the channel from my television.I viewed the completely volgur and offencive cartoon. It's No Reading Rainbow. This is supposidlly a PSA. This is not doing anyone a public service other that to make people realize how BET has succeded in playing a major part in the distruction of the black culture.The BET network is supposed to be a outlet to showcase our artistic talents in a positive light and to bring awareness to the happenings in our communities. It looks as if they are trying to dume down our youth and glamourize ignorence and violence. The BET network has dropped the ball and
thats no satire.

Answer:
I agree that the BET PSA was kind of dumb, but...lots of things are. I think it's endemic to television, but I can see why you're upset.On the other hand, here is a list of things you spelled wrong in your question:sence, volgur, offencive, supposidlly, distruction, dume, glamourize, ignorence, thatsSo, maybe turning off the television and picking up a book isn't the worst idea for any of us, no matter what the impetus behind it is.

Friday, June 27, 2008

MILF Attacks a Toilet...No, Really

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/regions/view/20080625-144693/Toilet-only-casualty-as-MILF-attacks-Army-base--spokesman

The Hidden Meaning

After years of study scholars have translated this Joe Cocker song...and it still makes no sense.


Alternative Energy

In an attempt to reduce fuel usage British Airways has enlisted the help of Mary Poppins to aid the cause. Using her enchanted umbrella she whipped up a convenient flock of pigeons to help carry the load...and it only cost them a tuppence. Either that, or they have developed a ram scoop that uses birds for fuel.



Thursday, June 26, 2008

World's Coolest Sink

I don't get excited by plumbing fixtures, but this one is uber-cool. It looks like something out of Jurassic Park...we spared no expense.



It's Not What You Think

Look closely. They are just lighthouses, you pervert. There is not such thing as gummi-porn.


Subtle Advertising

What were they thinking? I think I know.



Future Felon

I am betting that Lil Derrick will be enjoying the hospitality of the state eventually. Who the heck lets their 3-4 year old even know about the Grand Theft Auto game??? My favorite touch is the rolled up dollar bills on the border of the cake. I pray that this was a joke cake...but somehow I doubt it.



Cousin It, Exposed

In a shocking revelation, it was discovered that Cousin It from Adams Family fame was actually a gal. Check out the archival photo.

Electric Facism

The media is really touting electric and hybrid technology for automobiles. Wouldn't it be better to just reintroduce the Geo Metro? The hybrids are about equal to the mpg of those. Well, if I am forced to drive an electric I have found the one for me. The Tesla Roadster. What a hot car. 0-60 in 3.8 seconds. Where do I sign up?

Friday, June 20, 2008

Cool Time Waster


I found a really fun tool that takes any text and arranges it in what is called a word cloud. I input the entire text of my novel and this is the output. It uses the frequency of a word's use to determine the relative sizes. Cool, huh? Here is how the tool describes itself.

Wordle is a toy for generating “word clouds” from text that you provide. The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text. You can tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. The images you create with Wordle are yours to use however you like. You can print them out, or save them to the Wordle gallery to share with your friends.

link

Awsome Tattoo!

I bet this guy wishes that tattoo machines came with a spell checker.

Origami D&D Creatures

The uber-talented origami artist Joseph Wu created an array of very cool D&D themed origami pieces. Check them all out. The detail is amazing.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Super Spiders - Not the Marvel Kind

National Geographic ran a feature on spiders employing light to trap prey. There has got to be a sci-fi story in this somewhere.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/06/080612-spider-webs.html

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

It Will Give You Chills

Wow, check out this video. How can something as innocent as a baby's laugh be transformed into something so disturbing? If you really want to be freaked out, listen to it with your eyes closed. I bet this is why clowns like to make babies laugh, just so they can record it and then slow it down and toruture people in Hell with the sound.

Grocery Nightmare

I worked as a stocker (not a stalker) in a grocery store for four years during college. If you have ever done that kind of retail job you will understand this comic. Finally, sweet revenge.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Guilty as charged

The comic below illustrates the situation that small retailers are in all around the country...but with a geeky twist. I have to admit, I purchased the new books on Amazon after trying the game at a game store. Shame on me.

Stan Winston - Rest In Peace

I have heard several places that Stan Winston has passed away from cancer at the age of 62. This is a real bummer. He was a special effects master who filled my adolescent with magical images. He will be missed.



Clowns are Evil!

I don't know what it is, but clowns have always creeped me out. What are those garish painted faces hiding? Look at the history of clowns. They have a much higher per capita incidence of killers and pervert than the general population. DC's own Joker is a prime example. Don't believe me? Just check out the look in the eyes of the clown below. CHILLING!


The Incredible Hulk: Reloaded

I guess they went a different direction with the Hulk this time around. Funny Stuff!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Storm Over Omaha

I have relatives that live in Omaha and they went through the same storm that hit the Boy Scout Camp in Iowa (about 90 miles away). They sent me a couple of chilling pictures of the storm.


Another Earworm

I have another song stuck in my brain. The only cure is to pass on the curse.

Enjoy!

A Secret of Marriage

Sometimes wives have no clue...thank goodness!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Justin Case - A Test Blurb

Below is a bit I wrote for a crime story I have been mulling over. I wanted to see how the 'voice' worked. I'd welcome any comments.

The portly man approached the office door, pausing for a moment to compare the name on the door with the crumpled bit of paper he clutched in his hand; J. Case Investigations. After confirming the match he slipped the piece of paper into the pocket of his rumpled slacks. He took a moment to adjust his equally rumpled suit jacket and gravy-stained tie before reaching for the door knob.

He turned the knob and pushed, but the door didn’t budge. He gave it a more determined push, but with no more luck. He checked his watch and then retrieved the paper from his pants once again. Right there, scrawled in green ink, he verified he had the right time: 10:00am. He checked his watch again, confirming that he was only about 10 minutes late. Not bad for a man as busy as he was.

He did not have another ‘appointment’ until noon, and that was at his favorite taqueria on Bellaire. After pondering his dilemma for a moment, he rapped on the door loudly. Beau Grimes was not a man who gave up easily. His ex-wife had once commented that this was the result of a mind too small to hold more than one thought at a time, but Beau was rather proud of his dogged nature. After a few moments, he rapped again, this time more insistently.

His persistence was soon rewarded with a faint voice from the other side of the door.

“Come on in…it’s open.”

Beau pushed on the door again but was again greeted with disappointment.

“No, it isn’t!” He rumbled, knocking again.

He heard a mumbled curse from inside and then the satisfying sounds of the knob turning. The door swung outward, nearly striking Beau in the nose as it opened. Beau hopped back in a clumsy two-step. He frowned at the though of another broken nose.

The door opened fully to reveal a tall, thin fellow wearing a crisp, white dress shirt and charcoal suit pants showing the razor creases of a recent pressing. The pant legs broke just so onto immaculately polished black wingtips. The pants were held up by black suspenders with a small cloisonné badge pinned on one side.

Had there been someone there too see it, the scene could have looked like some mirror of opposite extremes. The two men stood watching each other for a three count until the sound of a siren outside broke the strange electricity between the two.

“Yes…it is open. Now come of in, if you’d like.”

“You should have a sign on that door…you know one of those that says ‘pull’,” Beau commented as he entered the office.
“I’ll get right on that. My apologies for the confusion,” the man answered politely. “Please have a seat.”

The office appeared as neatly appointed as its inhabitant. The wall behind the large desk was occupied by bookcases filled with leather bound books, arranged rather anally by size; largest to smallest from left to right.

Beau stared at all the books. Books had always made him nervous. Reading had never come easily for him, even as a child. Why should he care about Dick and Jane and where they ran? If something was not right in front of him, he had little interest in it. The attitude had served him well through school, especially in the more practical classes like shop and gym. In his younger days he had always been athletic, whether it be hitting a ball or tackling a quarterback. It was all the same to him; fixate on a target and pursue it…without fail. He hit balls, and quarterbacks with equal zeal, but secretly enjoyed the quarterbacks much more. Baseballs did not cry after particularly vicious hits.

“Please, have a seat,” the man repeated, motioning to a chair positioned at an angle in front of the desk. He stood politely waiting for Beau to sit before taking his own seat. Beau flopped down into the chair, making it groan under his bulk. The man sat, folded his hands and gave Beau a mild, friendly smile.

“I assume you are Mr. Grimes. We spoke on the phone?”

“Yep, I’m Beau. You must be J. Case.” Beau said suppressing a snicker. “J. Case, you know what that sounds like?”

“Yes, Mr. Grimes, I have had the name my entire life and you certainly aren’t the first to point it out.”

“So why do you use it. What does the J stand for? It can’t be as bad as ‘jackass’.”

“Justin, the J stands for Justin.”

“Justin Case ain’t bad….” Beau said and then hesitated. It took him a beat before realizing what he had just said, but when he did, it hit him like an inside joke.

“You have got to be shitting me. Your parents named you Justin Case?”

“Yes they did. Pop was a bit of a joker and dear old Mom never had the heart to tell him he wasn’t as funny as he thought he was.”

“Okay, J. Case is the better choice, but damn, talk about between hell and high water.” Beau laughed as he spoke.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Driving Bell Curve - The Asshole Factor

Over 20 years of driving I decided to begin a statistical study of the relationship between the driving ability and vehicle cost of a large sample of drivers. This was based on casual observation and is in no way scientific. My hypothesis that there is a direct relationship between vehicle cost and driving ability. This can be observed in the bell curve below, with most drivers falling in the region of average driver combined with average vehicle cost. The curve also shows that drivers with cheap cars or expensive cars seem to suffer a marked decrease in their driving ability. This researcher suppose this is due to the "I don't give a shit" factor displayed in these drivers. And rental cars? Forget about it. Just get out of their way. My final conclusion is that we average drivers who have severe consequences for driving like assholes tend not to drive like assholes. Conversely, those who do not suffer dire monetary consequences for assholic driving tend to drive like assholes.

D&D Spell Reviews

Here is a hilarious video of the Video Blog ALT Text review some 1st level D&D spells.

The Rebirth of Dungeons and Dragons


With my gaming group becoming more and more prone to play MMORPGs I was starting to lament that I might never get to play a good D&D game again. Well, that will not be a problem any more. I played the new 4th edition of Dungeons and Dragons this weekend and fell in love with the game all over again. For the first time in a long time I was able to sit down with a pencil, a set of dice and a character sheet and simply play. Ever since the 3rd edition was released I have felt behind the learning curve. The rules had become so complicated and specialized for each situation (especially combat) that I was spending more time flipping through rule books than roleplaying.
A little background on me, I have been playing D&D since 1979 (1st edition) and have always considered myself a pretty damn fine player. I have won more than my share of tables at cons and was often the spice that stirred the pot at our gaming sessions.

While playing 1st and 2nd edition I was a fearless roleplayer. 3rd edition changed all that. I was often filled with anxiety because the rules were so complex that I was never sure if I was going to look stupid if I tried something that couldn't work because I had missed a bit of the rules. 3rd edition made me timid...and I hated that.

With the new 4th edition I feel like 1st edition has been reborn along with my child-like love of Dungeons and Dragons. My brother in law and his family were very kind and have ordered me the core books as a birthday present and for that I am very grateful.

If you want a more in-depth review of what the actual changes are check out out Massawyrm's review on AICN.

Gird your loins and sharpen your broadsword. The adventure is back!

Friday, June 6, 2008

The Business of Writing

Here is part 1 of a lecture given by Tobias Buckell at a writing conference. It focuses on the five essential rules of having writing as a career.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

My Birthday

My birthday is coming up on Saturday and I decided to find out who shared this auspicious date. Here is a short selection. I'm in good company.

June 7, 1981 Anna Kournikova, Russian Athlete
June 7, 1975 Allen Iverson, NBA guard for the Philadelphia 76ers
June 7, 1972 Karl Urban, New Zealander Actor
June 7, 1967 Dave Navarro, American Musician
June 7, 1958 Prince, [Rogers Nelson], Minnesota, rocker/actor
June 7, 1953 Johnny Clegg, rocker
June 7, 1952 Liam Neeson, born in Northern Ireland, actor, Schindler's List,
June 7, 1943 Ken Osmond, actor, Eddie Haskel-Leave it To Beaver
June 7, 1940 Tom Jones, born in Wales, singer, What's New Pussycat
June 7, 1502 Gregory XIII, Pope, introduced Gregorian calendar in 1582

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

My Choice for President

If I were the arbiter of who should be president I would choose Alan Keyes.

He best represents how I feel on most issues. In my opinion we need a strict constitutionalist in the White House to shepherd us through our national crisis. One of the things I really like about Mr. Keyes is his ability to explain why he takes a stand on the issues. His responses are well thought out and eloquent. The best thing about Mr. Keyes, however, is he is not one of the disgusting Country Club Republicans that have retaken the GOP. They ruled before the Reagan revolution and have spent the last 25 years trying to regain their hold.

Subliminal Message

I have been following the coverage of Obama's coronation with interest. I am amazed by the orgasmic coverage that he is getting from the mainstream media. I agree with one of his major planks...we need change. Is he that change? Hell, I have no idea, but the fervor of the major media is really turning me off. If you want to play a fun game, read just about any of the articles on his apparent nomination while humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic. See what happens to the cheese factor of the coverage. Here is a portrait that someone created. Wait a minute, wasn't Abe a Republican?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Narration by Stan Lee

Here is another great video from Marvel fans.

Monday, June 2, 2008

More Bats vs IM Fun

Here is another really good short starring Batman and Iron Man. Watch until the very end for a funny surprise.