Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Unnecessary Editing
This is in the same vein as changing Star Wars to have Greedo shoot first or erasing the guns from the hands of the Feds in ET.
Preacher Coming To The Big Screen
Sam Mendes is reported to have signed to bring the Garth Ennis comic Preacher to the big screen. This is great news. Mendes can strike the right tone for the edgy content of the comic book. I can't wait to see how they handle Arseface.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Azeroth Polled
The director of this video polled the residents of the World of Warcraft on their choice for president. Funny stuff, but sad as well. I found it hilarious that McCain won the Dwarf vote.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Service & Sacrifice
The following is a piece of flash (very short) fiction that I wrote for a contest with the theme of "Election Horror". Unfortunately, I didn't win but I wanted to share it with you all.
Service & Sacrifice
by Douglas Warren
The strains of Hail Columbia filled the blustery, mid-day air as Vice President Pradesh shook the hand of Chief Justice Howard and then stepped away from the podium. President-Elect Cruz stood nearby, politely waiting for his turn to be sworn in. He smiled secretly knowing that this would be the last time he would ever have to wait for anything again. The President always came first. It was just one of the perks of the office.
Cruz let his gaze wonder over to a video monitor showing the outgoing President watching nearby. The man had aged while in office, even if had only been a single term. Everyone said that the job aged a man unnaturally. Cruz could see how that would have bothered folks back before 2012, but now it should just be an afterthought. Well, hell, he felt for the man, but his sect had lost the Election fair and square and it was Cruz’s turn. It wasn’t as if the President was useless after his term was through. Lots of people thought that this was when their service was the greatest. It wasn’t. It was only prelude.
The second verse of Hail Columbia ended, hushing the crowd. A gust of chill wind blew through the clear Washington morning, rattling the leafless cherry trees. The crisp air focused the attention of the crowd like a supernatural magnifying glass, all eyes on President Slidell. A striking figure of a man, Slidell stepped up to the side of the podium. Cruz stepped forward on the opposite side of the podium. They paused for a moment and then turned to face each other. Despite the rehearsals, a thrill ran down Cruz’s spine when their eyes met.
Keeping his gaze locked, President Slidell reached into his jacket and withdrew a narrow, obsidian knife. He eyed it for a moment and then took a deliberate step toward Cruz. The President-Elect nodded and took a step toward the President.
They stood, nearly nose to nose in front of the podium. Their eyes, still locked, never blinked. President Slidell slowly raised the knife and then paused. He lowered his eyes and silently held the blade out to Cruz, just as they had rehearsed. The President-Elect took it, turned to the crowd and lifted it above his head.
The mass of people roared in approval.
“Tshak, Tshak, Tshak!” They chanted and then fell into a ghostly silence, looking up expectantly.
Cruz gazed out at the crowd, his gaze stern.
“This man has given so much to our country,” he addressed the crowd, his basso voice ringing in the silence. “Must he give all?”
“Tshak, Tshak, Tshak!”
“He has bled for you. Must he give all?”
“Tshak, Tshak, Tshak!”
“He has given his family. Must he give all?”
“Tshak, Tshak, Tshak!”
He lowered the knife in reply,” so be it.”
Cruz turned back toward President Slidell, who kneeled with a grunt and then turned his face to the sky.
Reaching out, the President-Elect Cruz took a hold of the President Slidell’s hair and slid the knife smoothly across his throat. Blood fountained from the wound, spraying Cruz and the crowd. Slidell gasped and began to rock side to side as the Cruz lowered him to the steps. The crowd roared its approval.
Turning once again toward the multitude, Cruz raised the knife, instantly quieting them. After a slight pause, he cut a line into his own wrist, letting his blood drip into the spreading pool surrounding Slidell’s inert body.
“Our blood is mingled. Together we shall make the country fertile. His sacrifice was the noblest one could hope for.”
The crowd went mad with applause. This time Cruz let it go on. This was their tribute to their former leader. Slidell deserved his moment.
Finally, the cheers relented. At a signal, two secret service agents came forward and retrieved Slidell’s body. They wrapped it in a woven, feather shroud and carried him from the steps.
Cruz bowed his head for a moment and then turned, walking back to the podium. The Chief Justice met him there, holding out the stone tablet. The President-Elect placed his hand on the tablet and began to speak once again.
“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”
Service & Sacrifice
by Douglas Warren
The strains of Hail Columbia filled the blustery, mid-day air as Vice President Pradesh shook the hand of Chief Justice Howard and then stepped away from the podium. President-Elect Cruz stood nearby, politely waiting for his turn to be sworn in. He smiled secretly knowing that this would be the last time he would ever have to wait for anything again. The President always came first. It was just one of the perks of the office.
Cruz let his gaze wonder over to a video monitor showing the outgoing President watching nearby. The man had aged while in office, even if had only been a single term. Everyone said that the job aged a man unnaturally. Cruz could see how that would have bothered folks back before 2012, but now it should just be an afterthought. Well, hell, he felt for the man, but his sect had lost the Election fair and square and it was Cruz’s turn. It wasn’t as if the President was useless after his term was through. Lots of people thought that this was when their service was the greatest. It wasn’t. It was only prelude.
The second verse of Hail Columbia ended, hushing the crowd. A gust of chill wind blew through the clear Washington morning, rattling the leafless cherry trees. The crisp air focused the attention of the crowd like a supernatural magnifying glass, all eyes on President Slidell. A striking figure of a man, Slidell stepped up to the side of the podium. Cruz stepped forward on the opposite side of the podium. They paused for a moment and then turned to face each other. Despite the rehearsals, a thrill ran down Cruz’s spine when their eyes met.
Keeping his gaze locked, President Slidell reached into his jacket and withdrew a narrow, obsidian knife. He eyed it for a moment and then took a deliberate step toward Cruz. The President-Elect nodded and took a step toward the President.
They stood, nearly nose to nose in front of the podium. Their eyes, still locked, never blinked. President Slidell slowly raised the knife and then paused. He lowered his eyes and silently held the blade out to Cruz, just as they had rehearsed. The President-Elect took it, turned to the crowd and lifted it above his head.
The mass of people roared in approval.
“Tshak, Tshak, Tshak!” They chanted and then fell into a ghostly silence, looking up expectantly.
Cruz gazed out at the crowd, his gaze stern.
“This man has given so much to our country,” he addressed the crowd, his basso voice ringing in the silence. “Must he give all?”
“Tshak, Tshak, Tshak!”
“He has bled for you. Must he give all?”
“Tshak, Tshak, Tshak!”
“He has given his family. Must he give all?”
“Tshak, Tshak, Tshak!”
He lowered the knife in reply,” so be it.”
Cruz turned back toward President Slidell, who kneeled with a grunt and then turned his face to the sky.
Reaching out, the President-Elect Cruz took a hold of the President Slidell’s hair and slid the knife smoothly across his throat. Blood fountained from the wound, spraying Cruz and the crowd. Slidell gasped and began to rock side to side as the Cruz lowered him to the steps. The crowd roared its approval.
Turning once again toward the multitude, Cruz raised the knife, instantly quieting them. After a slight pause, he cut a line into his own wrist, letting his blood drip into the spreading pool surrounding Slidell’s inert body.
“Our blood is mingled. Together we shall make the country fertile. His sacrifice was the noblest one could hope for.”
The crowd went mad with applause. This time Cruz let it go on. This was their tribute to their former leader. Slidell deserved his moment.
Finally, the cheers relented. At a signal, two secret service agents came forward and retrieved Slidell’s body. They wrapped it in a woven, feather shroud and carried him from the steps.
Cruz bowed his head for a moment and then turned, walking back to the podium. The Chief Justice met him there, holding out the stone tablet. The President-Elect placed his hand on the tablet and began to speak once again.
“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”
Friday, October 24, 2008
Slurp, Slurp, Slurp
This is a giant Golden Orb Weaver spider from Australia. I don't know if I want to ever live in a place where the spiders are big enough to eat birds.
Color Laser Printers Are Evil!
Check out this video and website detailing how our color printouts are being used to keep an eye on us.
The 2008 Campaign as a D&D Campaign
This is absolutely hilarious. I wish I had written it.
Continued
Adventuring Party Politics: The Campaign is Getting Ugly
GM: OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?
OBAMA: I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.
MCCAIN: OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.
OBAMA: Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...
MCCAIN: Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.
OBAMA: Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty "Matterhorn, son of Marathon" shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?
MCCAIN: Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.
OBAMA: "My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one."
MCCAIN: Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.
OBAMA: OH NO YOU DIDN'T.
MCCAIN: Whatever, so's your mom.
OBAMA: So's your FACE.
MCCAIN: So's your Mom's face!
HILARY: WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?
MCCAIN: Hilary, we've been over this.
HILARY: No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer. Seriously, I can't even use a sword. Fuck this noise.
KUCINICH: IM A BARD
OBAMA: That's nice.
KUCINICH: MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD
MCCAIN: Oh, Jesus. Here we go.
Continued
Real Zombies
Zombies actually exist in the animal world. Check out this slideshow on parasites that take over the bodies of their hosts and use them as they see fit.
Just When I Thought There Was Hope
When I read the headline that Beyonce wanted to be taken more seriously and wanted to change her name I was surprised and pleased. "Wow, she is actually growing as a person and has gotten a real name," I thought. WRONG! Now she wants to be known as Sasha Fierce. Gawd, how silly. You know what, I am abandoning my real name and insist on being called by my online moniker. From now on everyone has to call be BukaHobbit.
It Was Only A Matter of Time
Online divorcee jailed after killing virtual hubby. It appears that it is now a crime to kill someone's avatar...and it be serious. I play online games and enjoy it, but let us all just get a grip. Have they ever heard of backup data? The avatar will be resuscitated ASAP.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Extended Watchmen Trailer
The Spike Awards premiered an extended trailer for the upcoming Watchmen film. It looks groovy.
Edited Book Title
Anyone who has ever read the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever will know how true this reworked title is.
Wednesday Muscle Car Goodness
In honor of falling gasoline prices, enjoy this sweet picture of a Plymouth Superbird. Those with kids might recognize this car as the King, Strip Weathers from the Disney Movie Cars.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Giant Snake Fossil Found
Scientists in Columbia have unearthed the fossil remains of a snake estimated to be around 40 feet long and weigh about 2000 pounds. Just imagine...a ton of snake. This isn't the first report of giant Anacondas in South America.
This Is Dog Food?
Dick Van Patten (from Eight Is Enough...yep, he is still breathing) is introducing a line of premium dog food.
The flavors they have are outrageous:
IRISH STEW
CHINESE TAKE-OUT WITH SAUCE
HOBO CHILI (Made from real Hobos??)
SOUTHERN STYLE DUMPLIN'S WITH GRAVY
I feel kind of guilty that our dogs here in America eat better than our homeless.
The flavors they have are outrageous:IRISH STEW
CHINESE TAKE-OUT WITH SAUCE
HOBO CHILI (Made from real Hobos??)
SOUTHERN STYLE DUMPLIN'S WITH GRAVY
I feel kind of guilty that our dogs here in America eat better than our homeless.
Monday, October 20, 2008
WoW Uberdork!
Free Twitter Book
Finally, someone has come up with some ideas on how to use the otherwise useless Twitter application for something useful. John Jantsch of Duct Tape Marketing is offering a free PDF of the book Twitter for Business. This guy has great ideas for a world where budgets are shrinking and the DIY attitude is taking hold.
Friday, October 17, 2008
ET - The True Hollywood Story
The family watched ET this week and it brought back some nice memories, but this video really explains a lot.
Finally, a Use For Mullets
Okay, I admit it. I had a mullet for about 10 years. It was all business up front and all party behind. Yee-ha!
Second Coolest Backpack, Ever
Of course it isn't as cool as the Yoda backpack...but it is in the same zip code.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I Know The Feeling
John McCain has a reaction similar to mine concerning the amount of bullshit spewed by Obama at the final debate on Wednesday night.
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